Here I am sleeping in, semi-conscious, thinking big
thoughts. I’m closer than ever before to the grand idea, the supreme
connectivity, the metaphor that explains everything. I’m almost there. I can see
it. But just when I’m ready to grasp the damn thing I move up into a more wakeful
state and it’s gone. I’m left with the image of my favorite shirt.
This is no ordinary shirt. It is a work of art. I
could hang it over the couch even if it clashes with the throw pillows. I don’t
wear it very often because I don’t want to show off. It would be like Vincent
wearing his Starry Night. The shirt is mysterious. It is a galaxy as yet
undiscovered. Witnesses have passed out just looking at it. It is the answer to
the question as yet not asked.
Apparel, advised Polonius, doth oft proclaim the man. So I wear
this shirt sparingly not sure that I have the credentials to be the bearer of
the Big Idea. How can I describe the greatest shirt in the history of shirts?
It is deep chocolate as in dark matter with streaks of burnt sienna and celestial beige with random fires of terrestrial orange. It is soil and motion.
Rust and forest. Rufous-sided towhees in flight. The ancient sun and apricot moon.
It is asymmetrical blotches of autumn foliage. Sycamore divas singing their descent. Shakespeare spotted
it and declared, Motley is the only wear.
When I wear my motley shirt I really don’t get to see
it. Maybe that’s the way it should be. We are each other’s big idea. Everything
can be found in anything. There are portals, for some, in their oatmeal. The
Big Idea doesn’t hold still for a minute. Nothing moves faster than a fleeting
insight. The harder you look for it the more futile the search.
In his novel, Satin
Island, Tom McCarthy creates a character looking to tie together disparate
images in his head. The hub city, Turin, or it could be Atlanta or Chicago, is
compared to a parachute in its configuration. When he sees a news flash of a
sky diver whose chute failed to open it becomes the dysfunctional hub city
whose flights are delayed. So it is that everything is seen with new eyes from
oil spills to out-of-control cancer despoiling the ecosystem.
My habit is to seek out transcendent positions. I live in mid-perch looking for patterns, not too far away to be caught in the static but
not altogether stuck in the muck. Maybe my shirt is half muck and half mist.
The Big Idea is sculpted from the marble of small earthy particles.
We live in a time that cries out for a larger frame
of reference. Otherwise we’ve been Trumped. I turn to the sweep of History to
explain the phenomena. How to locate this blip, this aberration …or is it?
Maybe the answer lies in the fear and rage he stoked and the human frailty to be suckered, to abdicate
our autonomy and be led by a hollow man of overwhelming promises and audacity.
My shirt gives me an aesthetic lift but that’s not enough to save us from the
menace of the man.
Where are you Steven Hawking to explain our predicament,
this Small Bang, this deposit of human debris and orbital retrograde?