As those familiar with my blogs know, some of them are screeds and rants which I deem to be mentally heathy otherwise I’d have to repress my hostility and might break out in a rash. Others may range from ruminations to rambles and an occasional poem as an homage to that ragged right-hand margin.
Studies have shown that those who bought my previous books are 3% smarter, healthier and luckier than the general population. They may expect to die on a Thursday instead of a Tuesday. None have come down with diphtheria, whooping cough or German measles. Their shoe laces last longer. Their honey dew melons ripen faster. Nobody was killed by a runaway trolley car and none of my readers had overdue library books.
Conversely, non-readers of my past books are among those who failed to win the mega lottery, had trouble finding a parking place at Costco and had 4% more cavities and paper cuts. It has been reported that those who failed to buy my books had a higher incidence of single socks coming out of their dryer.
Unconfirmed rumors (I just started) have it that my book will soon be released by Netflix as a full-length motion picture. It has also been reported that certain words appearing in my book, when rearranged, provide answers to questions which explain the meaning of life. However I cannot possibly comment on that.
This is a multi-purpose book. It is entirely inflammable and recyclable. The book has also been used to place under uneven legs of tables. As for tor those who wish to ingest the pages as part of a high fiber diet, I cannot endorse the idea. Some of my words may be indigestible. Pages may also be removed and used to make paper airplanes particularly those with flights of fancy.
If you want to have your book inscribed please write yourself a message you’ve always wanted to receive and I promise to sign it. Be it known that I am physically unable to write due to a neuropathy in my right hand… seriously.
Having read my book you will find yourself more scintillating at cocktail parties though I cannot guarantee you will ever get invited back. It is also useful to carry with you to pass the time in the event of a power failure in an elevator.
And Furthermore is a collection of short essays. I don’t like that word, blog…which reminds me of blob and glob and rhymes with slog and bog. They were written about 2 ½ to 3 ½ years ago and may serve as a chronicle of the pre-Trump days leading up to the unthinkable.
The purchase price is $15 from Amazon. If you get it from me I can let it go for twelve bucks. If you have a coupon it is still $12. If you are a distant cousin sharing my DNA according to Ancestry.com it is still $12. Students and seniors can obtain two copies for $24….from me. It is advisable to purchase a second copy in case you leave one on the bus or the back seat of an Uber.
I have just learned that Dame Judi Dench also has a book named, “And Furthermore.” How dare she trade off my title…even though she wrote hers about eight years ago?
In spite of the long shadow the Bozo in the Oval has cast across the planet I still hold to the belief that there is levity and absurdity to be found in the gravity….such as this page.
Thanks to all who would have me in their library.
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