Life On Hold

What again? Does your menu never hold still?

 I’m glad my call is important to you but apparently some things are more important.

Every time I call, he's away from his desk. Couldn't he take his desk with him?

No, I don’t know his extension.

I’m sure you’re experiencing a high call volume. Have you considered hiring more staff? 

Please don't tell me your menu has changed while I'm waiting. Should I hit 7 instead of 4 in order to get 1?

I’ll go with jazz for now. By the time you pick up the phone it will have become classical

No, I can’t call back between midnight and three.

I already went to your website. That’s why I’m calling.

I’ve given you the last four numbers of my Social Security and now you want to know my favorite movie? I can only say my least favorite is Texas Chainsaw Massacre...the musical comedy version.

Now, you’re telling me your mailbox is full.

Wait, don’t hang up.

I’ve been waiting so long I’ve read the entire newspaper, the weather report in Asia, the police blotter and the obits. For a minute I thought I spotted my name.

Perhaps I was abandoned as a child and you've opened up the old wound.

The grandchildren have grown up. I’ve got the Neptune Society on the other line.

If you’ve changed your menu again, I’ll have the chef’s salad.

Now I’ve forgotten why I called.

I think it had something to do about paramedics coming over. I couldn’t manage to perform a Heimlich maneuver on myself.

Yes, I know my call will be answered in the order it was received. I am trying to get on your queue in case something happens the day after tomorrow.