From A to Z

Trying to avoid the contamination by the new regime, I’m on my stationary bike pedaling to elsewhere. Here I am in Africa admiring the four legged-creatures from antelope to zebra, all herbivorous quadrupeds.

The only thing I know about antelopes is that they rhyme with cantaloupes.  And here’s another thing. The word is an umbrella term for a group which include gazelle, impala, and even wildebeest, also known as gnu. They are all undocumented and live happily munching grass in the savannas except when they are running like hell from cheetahs.  

Detroit looks toward four-legged creatures to sell their cars. Neither the Ford Bronco, Chevy Impala nor Dodge Ram could ever compete with the Ford Mustang. The less said about the Pinto the better….and then there’s the Jaguar. But horsepower is still the unit of measure which is an endearing way of honoring the past.

Creationists may argue that zebras got their stripes from the American flag or that God was watching the refs at a Laker game but everyone knows God is really a baseball fan and was fixated on the Yankee pinstripe uniform.

It has long been noted that zebras are social animals. When they congregate, their stripes form what looks to lions as a huge blob and too much to take on. Another more compelling reason for the stripes is that they evolved over millennia as a protection from the tsetse and horseflies.

(You have to admit this is far more interesting than wringing our hands over what went wrong on election night.)

Horses, which lack horse sense didn’t think of stripes and rely on their tail to shoo the flies.  Zebras, with their striped skin, are deemed less inviting to blood-sucking insects. The flies are attracted to solid surfaces because the light waves emitted resemble the light reflected from pools of water where they breed. From the POV of those insects one might say the system is rigged.

Yet zebras, stripes and all, don’t have what it takes for domestication. Horses were feral once also but opted for a barn and steady meal instead. In exchange they had to pull loads of men with whips.

Zebras should be credited as the first to come up with bar codes. They may all look the same to us but each carries a signature on its hide which singles them out to other zebras. In case you are asked what color zebras are, the answer is black with white stripes.      

Whether antelopes eat cantaloupe has yet to be studied.

All life forms evolve to give them the best chance of survival. Mankind seems to be the exception. Our most fearsome predator is ourselves. Four-legged creatures know better than to make such a mess of their habitat.