Thursday, October 29, 2009

Elevator Thoughts

I overheard myself thinking: why are vertical rides free but we are always charged for horizontal ones?
Conversation on medical building elevator:

Person #1 : I like your shoes.

Person #2 : Thanks, You want to buy them?

Person #1: I'll take one of them

Person #2: Sorry, it's a package deal.

Person #1: Pull up your pants so I can see them both.

Person: #2: I just came from the doctor and he told me to pull my pants down.

Why do I apologize when I’m bumped into on an elevator?

Conversation overheard on the 11th floor going down:

You make a lovely couple. Do you know each other?

No, never seen him/her before in my life.

Would you mind moving closer together?

Like this, sure.

Now, with the power vested in me I pronounce you husband and wife.

Just in time; we're in the lobby. My car's in the parking garage. So is mine. How about lunch for our honeymoon?

I wonder if the birthrate jumped nine months after the last power failure in New York City.

My first job (not counting shoveling snow) was with a woman in my apartment building who made artificial flowers for hats. I delivered them into Manhattan on the subway. Sometimes I was asked to pick up ribbon or velvet in the garment district. I still have residual fear of those freight elevators with no ceiling to separate myself from the roof. Twelve years old, seventy-six years old, still crushable.

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