Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Long And Short Of It

I went on a diet last summer and lost height; part of the shrinking and shriveling we do on our way to dust. It’s fine with me. I was tired of being 6ft. 1. Compression gets me to about 5 ft. 11, still above the national average.

Mickey Rooney was once asked how, at 5ft. 2, he got all those statuesque woman (eight wives). He said that he lied about his height.

Movies are illusion and actors part of that lying camera. Al Pacino at 5ft. 6 looms larger as does Sylvester Stallone at 5ft. 7 Bogart at 5ft. 7 never looked shorter than Lauren Bacall at 5ft. 9 or Ingrid Bergman an inch taller than that. Did they put Bogey on a platform or his leading ladies in a hole?

Why are you telling me all this??

Tall trumps short in our national consciousness whether we know it or not. Since 1900 the only shorter candidate elected president over his taller opponent was Richard Nixon and his nose was considerably longer than Pinocchio’s. If you bet on the tall guy you’d have won every other race. I doubt if Danny De Vito will ever occupy the oval office.

Very few people know that our Founding Fathers played basketball with Jefferson at center (6ft.3), Washington (6ft. 2) & Monroe at forward and Madison and Adams in the backcourt. One might say that T.J. was a tad more equal than anyone else but I would never say that. Nor would I say that he had leaps of faith or G.W. was a great rebounder from his early defeats. Jimmy Madison was a mere slip of a lad but constitutionally sound and Johnhy Adams, the first Boston Celtic.

So what are you dribbling on about? Make your point. I’m getting bored with all this.

Hush, I’ll think of something by the bottom of the page.

Speaking of that starting five, it has been said that the four Virginia planters were not only bred and fed well but more importantly were wed and bedded well. Think of Martha, Sally and Dolley not to mention Elizabeth Monroe who rescued Lafayette’s wife from the Bastille. And then there was Abigail.

But I’m losing my thread…if I ever had one.

Maybe the point is if you are Napoleon you may well have a Napoleonic complex. And if you are Karem Abdul Jabaar you can’t buy your clothes at Ross Dress For Less but there are other slam dunks awaiting you. Every height has its compensations.

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