Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Mid-Century Night's Dream
Mid-Century Night’s Dream In the year 2050, when I’m 117, I’m on my way to Costco to pick up a modular of lungs and kidneys. Mine have run out of warranty. But first I have to park my car which runs on pee. I get about 100 miles to the bladder. No problemo, as they say, in Waziristan, since vehicles are stacked vertically and retrieved by entering my cage number at the check stand.
I might first grab a hot dog still $1.50 after all these years or a virtual hot dog available at the vending machine where for a buck I can have the sensation of having eaten one without the calories or carbs. Both are bargains compared to the $6.00 stamp for a letter.
As usual Costco makes me buy three organs at a time just as cereal is sold by the silo and oranges by the grove. If I don’t manage to sell off the remainder while waiting in line I can always go around door to door. I wonder if they’ll take back the neck I bought last year to replace mine which I sold to a turkey.
The buzz is that Melia Obama is going to run for a second term if she doesn’t get stiff opposition from an aging Chelsea Clinton. Either is regarded as a shoe-in now that the Republicans have been exposed for what they are and garner no more than 5% of the vote. That figure represents the actual number of privileged people who have off-shore bank accounts, read Ayn Rand and sleep with guns in their pajama pocket. They are currently pushing for a law that makes it mandatory for pregnant women to drive in the carpool lane on the freeway.
Ever since the Israeli/Palestinian dispute was settled 21 years ago it has been considered fashionable to have Bar Mitzvahs in Baghdad. Klezmer bands are hot with Hamas and designer prayer rugs are all the rage in Tel Aviv. Business is said to be booming at the Suicide Bomber Museum with re-enactments a favorite with nostalgia buffs. The pirates of Somalia are now the world’s greatest theme park.
Oceans continue to rise as plastic bags from Gelsons have been spotted washing ashore in Greek Isles while chunks of Greenland are floating in Galveston Bay where Galveston used to be. The Council of Deniers is meeting this year under water in Malibu. They have passed a resolution that glaciers never existed in Glacier National Park.
Those who have not yet had I-phones, pods and pads implanted in their hands are urged to do so. It is now an out-patient procedure along with a triple bi-pass and prostatectomy.
It’s great to have lived so long even if we are a second rate country with Brazil and China in the lead. Many U.S. citizens have found work in Beijing opening up American laundries while others are taking Portuguese as a third language behind English and Trash. North Korea has branded us a rogue state, given our arsenal of nuclear weapons. Many English-speaking people are slipping into Mexico to pick their avocado crop.
Of course we still have baseball even if we must travel to the Dominican Republic to see a ballgame. Now that Cuba has granted us recognition our application for foreign aid stands a better chance.
Dial-a-Dream has been a major breakthrough for insomniacs. It’s been a good eight hours and I suppose I should wake up.