Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Shameless Self-Promotion

That would be me announcing my new book now available on Amazon entitled, And Furthermore. This is my fourth collection of deathless prose following The Marriage of Everything (2010), I’m Just Saying (2012) and Now and Then Some” (2014).

The publication comes a bit late for Jesus’ birthday but just in time for anyone else admitting to a birthday next year. It is a perfect gift for insomniacs or for people you always wanted to unfriend anyway.

As those familiar with my blogs know, some of them are screeds and rants which I deem to be mentally healthy otherwise I’d have to repress my hostility and might break out in a rash. Others may range from ruminations to rambles and an occasional poem as a nod to that ragged right-hand margin.

Studies have shown that those who bought my previous books are 3% smarter, healthier and luckier than the general population. They may expect to die on a Thursday instead of a Tuesday. None have come down with diphtheria, whooping cough or German measles. Their shoe laces last longer. Their honeydew melons ripen faster. No one was killed by a runaway trolley car and none of my readers had overdue library books.

On the other hand, non-readers of my past books are among those who failed to win the mega lottery, had trouble finding a parking place at Costco and had 4% more cavities and paper cuts. It has been reported that those who failed to buy my books had a higher incidence of single socks coming out of their dryer.

It has also been reported that certain words appearing in this book, when rearranged, provide answers to questions which explain the meaning of life. However I cannot possibly comment on that. 

It is a multi-purpose book, entirely inflammable and recyclable. The book has also been used to place under uneven legs of tables. As for those who wish to ingest the pages as part of a high fiber diet, I cannot endorse the idea. Some of my words may be indigestible. Pages may also be removed and used to make paper airplanes particularly those filled with flights of fancy.

If you want to have your book inscribed please write yourself a message you’ve always wanted to receive and I promise to sign it. Be it known that I am physically unable to write due to a neuropathy in my right hand… seriously.

Having read my book you will find yourself more scintillating at cocktail parties though I cannot guarantee you will ever get invited back. It is also useful to carry with you to pass the time in the event of a power failure in an elevator.

And Furthermore is a collection of short essays. I don’t like 
that word, blog…which reminds me of blob and glob and rhymes with slog and bog. These pieces were written about 2 ½ to 3 ½ years ago and may serve as a chronicle of the pre-Trump days leading up to the unthinkable.

The purchase price is $15 from Amazon. If you get it from me I can let it go for twelve bucks. If you have a coupon it is still $12. If you are a distant cousin sharing my DNA according to it is still $12. Students and seniors can obtain two copies for $24….from me. It is advisable to purchase a second copy in case you leave one on the bus or the back seat of an Uber.

I have just learned that Judi Dench also has a book named, And Furthermore. I forgive Dame Judi since she wrote hers about eight years ago.

In spite of the long shadow the dangerous Bozo in the Oval has cast across the planet with his moral and ethical degeneracy I still hold to the belief that there are nuggets of humanity to be found and absurdity in the gravity….such as this page.

Thanks to all who would have me in their library.  Here's the link...

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