What In Tarnation

Early on in my pharmacy days of sorcery and alchemy, I remember compounding something called ichthyol ointment using a slab and spatula. It was a thick black, gooey substance extracted from oil shale and used for eczema, psoriasis, acne and other rashes when the dermatologist had run out of options. At least it made the patient feel as if he were enduring a burden which just might warrant a miracle healing. Fortunately, it was water soluble unlike coal tar.

This came to mind as a roofing company has been at work for the past month applying this sticky, viscous substance overhead while saturating the air with noxious fumes.

At least, with the roof sealed, raindrops won’t keep falling on my head. In fact, they never did since there is a neighbor above me. The machine used to heat the tar was placed just outside my window.

Toxic smoke lifted right into the upstairs living room causing a choking cough and depositing a black film on his table. He even took a photo of the tar-filled cloud in his apartment.

I don’t dare complain. I’ve been living in this rent-controlled apartment for thirty-nine years. Black Lung Disease might be the price I have to pay. 

God and landlords work in mysterious ways. I expect they are both planning a gala bash when I am carted out, feet first. If it rains that day like it does in movies, I can be assured no leaks will drip on my long goodbye.

As for tarnations, the word has nothng to do with tar. It is just a euphemism for damnation which, come to think of it, may be my fate with every inhalation.