Two Kinds of Fathers

In the early 1970s I attended a Jim Jones rally in San Francisco. The followers addressed him as Father or Dad which is what he demanded. That People’s Temple cult took the lives of the two teenage children of my friends. A tragic ending for a couple who sought an alternative life. Amazing to me how some people willingly abdicate their autonomy, their selfhood, their decision-making to an authoritarian leader as if being an informed and discerning adult is too much for them.

I would suggest that this transfer of self is a form of regression. Daddy, the reigning patriarch, will decide what is right and what is true. Dying begins when doubt is forbidden. Take me, Father, Mr. President, Supreme Leader, Fuhrer. Tell me when to shout, what to wear, how to hate, whom to fear and to whom I am to swear fealty with unconditional obedience.

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All the above describes who my father was not. He never raised his voice. If he got angry it showed in his eyes. He modeled a certain equanimity, a presence who listened and offered full reception. He seemed imperturbable and yet had strong principles. When the FBI came to the door, in the McCarthy era, asking for names he turned them away. His silence was his spine.

As a pharmacist, my father was accorded a position of authority. In those days the man who presided on a raised platform between globes of colored water was held in high esteem. He earned it by his deliberative temperament, his knowledge and the special assurance he generated to his clients.

Thankfully, I was the beneficiary of his fathering, his unconditional love. I hope to have continued further, father.