Saturday, October 14, 2017

Epistolary Exchange, 1951

Dear Mrs. Trump,

I’m so sorry you and Mr. Trump couldn’t make it to open-school night. As Donald’s kindergarten teacher I wanted to reach out to you regarding your little boy’s behavior.

Perhaps you are not aware of some disturbing issues which have come to my attention ranging from knocking down classmate’s building blocks to verbal abuse to apparent embezzlement of money as milk monitor.

When one of the new boys wet his pants it was unkind and disruptive for Donald to berate him in front of the class particularly as the child was a refugee from war-torn Poland having witnessed the extermination of his family. Nor was it gracious of Donald to ridicule his cerebral palsy classmate for failing to stand for the national anthem and calling him a loser.

Your son’s habit of running with scissors is also a menace to the health and safety of our otherwise well-behaved group of five-year olds. Evidently he does not believe that rules of decency and civil conduct apply to himself.

I feel an intervention is necessary at this early stage to remedy the situation before it becomes irreversible and I urge your immediate attention.

Miss B.H. Lieberthal

Dear Miss Bleeding Heart Liberal,

My husband and I do not appreciate your fake assessment of our son. What you cite as irregular behavior we regard as strength of character displaying leadership qualities. May I remind you that my husband sits on the board of this private institution and you serve at his pleasure?

Our boy, Donald, is by all accounts a gifted child far ahead of his fellow students with whom he is greatly esteemed. He may, in fact, be the smartest child to have ever entered your class. This was amply demonstrated when he parlayed the milk money into an investment fund paying twenty percent interest…until it went bankrupt due to excessive government regulations.

Mrs. D. Trump

To Whom It May Concern,

Be assured I do not plan any legal action against the school or its board of directors for my precipitous removal with neither cause, warning nor severance pay.

I am now well situated in my new position helping troubled children with full parental participation. My experience in the classroom served as a cautionary note for early detection of aberrant behavior though I doubt little Donald will be able to mature into a good citizen without prompt remedial action.


B.H. Lieberthal  

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