Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Bumper Stickers

I don’t recall having had trouble removing a bumper sticker before. But my Obama/Biden sticker must be designed with the audacity to remain in perpetuity.

We had two such with political messages on our rear bumper. The other was to Stop Voter Suppression. I scraped that away after somebody tore off a corner in what looked like Tea Party rage. Is there a posse of Suppressionists out there armed with razor blades and long finger nails?

I am no less an Obama supporter now than I was six months ago, except perhaps his propensity for droning, so what’s the problem, I hear you ask. The problem is that I have a complex. I feel compelled to wave cars ahead at stop signs as if I’ve been anointed ambassador of the Democratic Party. At Costco I unload my shopping cart in record time to accommodate cars waiting for my parking spot. I’m on my best behavior. I’m modeling compassion, demonstrating empathy. Now I’m longing to return to my wonton ways of benign misdemeanors.

Let it begin with me, the song instructs us. So if I am the change I’ve been waiting for, must I drive like a saint? I’ve been turning my cheeks faster than a spectator at a tennis match. Try driving at the speed limit and tell me it isn’t a hazard. Would Gandhi change lanes or honk his horn?

Dare I drive in Orange County, particularly where there is valet parking? Who knows if Sarah Palin’s kids have a summer job down here? I don’t feel easy with a police car behind. Maybe a headlight is out and I’ll be pulled over to walk the line then thrown in detention for thinking evil thoughts like police brutality. It could be they’ll impound my car and remove the bumper altogether.

I’ll re-set my GPS so I don’t stray into Palos Verdes and confine my driving to Democratic strongholds with no chance of roadside bombs. I’ll do lunch in Pico Rivera and dinner in Compton. I figure I’m among friends at car-washes and at the public parking garage as long as I stay on this side of the enemy lines.

I believe in a lot of things: gun control, reproductive rights, troop withdrawals, sustainable energy sources. Must I tattoo my car with manifestoes shouting in the face of on-coming windshields? The answer is, Why Not.

Maybe the administration needs me to remind Fox News fools who won the election and who lost. I’ll accept the assignment and plaster over Obama with propositional Yes’s and No’s until 2016 when I can crown it with a Hillary sticker.

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