Monday, August 15, 2011


Every morning I get emails about penis enlargement and longevity. I suppose some guys might say, “How did they know” or “What’s it to you?” Does this mean that large penises are like banks….too big to fail?

But my Gevity is long enough………I’d like to believe. Admittedly I’ve never conducted a double-blind study with evidence-based conclusions. Nor is that in my plans. Peggy assures me that size is not all…….hmmm, what should I make of that?

The images I have of enhancement or augmentation makes me wince. I suppose that means both length and breadth. God help those with shortness of breadth. I would hope these penile doctors are heavily insured with no more than a one inch deductible. Is this where all our Medicare money is going?

Apparently Anthony Weiner was concerned enough about his manhood to gamble and lose his mensch-ness. Or was his and Eliot Spitzer’s behavior just compensatory? I seem to remember some movie star extraordinarily endowed but I forgot who that was. He probably died young.

As for other longevities leading to eternal life, I’m not so sure I like the idea. If we all lived forever think how crowded the planet would be. Even now I have trouble finding a parking place at Costco. Have you ever called Verizon when they are not already experiencing a high-call volume?

I decided long ago that it’s too hard to be good. I’m not ready to give up an occasional Reuben sandwich on corn rye with seeds slobbered with mustard, melted Jack cheese, sauerkraut and thickened with fatty pastrami in favor of tofu with a side of cottage cheese. Some forbidden foods are worth an abbreviated inning. Isn’t this what Yahweh meant for us………to munch the forbidden and live our days in eviction?

I ignore muscle milk, eat fiber, ignore gingko but swallow multivitamins containing A, B, C, D and E…..enough letters for a game of scrabble in my bloodstream.

Death serves a purpose besides making room for the new-born. Without it we’d have nothing that gives urgency to life. Immortality would surely lead to big-time procrastination. With mortality hanging over us as the ultimate given we can do better than measure our lives with coffee spoons. Momento mori confers meaning while we’re still on this side of the great divide. It’s our goal post, our calendar.

At this point the only elongation I care about is the quality years remaining on my allotment.

I just looked up that aforementioned movie star. He wasn’t in many movies and he didn’t die young. He was Milton Berle. It makes me wonder if longevity here means longevity there...or is it just that he laughed at life for 94 years?

1 comment:

  1. Jeez Norm, it took me fifteen minutes to figure out what you meant by your "levity." I even used the dictionary. Please stop being so damned clever. Levity? Balls!